Topical Jokes

2022-10-04

Fast-food chain Taco Bell has launched a new ad campaign featuring comedian Pete Davidson to apologize for going “a little too far” with its breakfast menu. Since the launch of the campaign, Pete Davidson is in a happy relationship with a breakfast burrito.

During the fourth quarter of Sunday’s football game between the Detroit Lions and the Seattle Seahawks, a player got carted off the field so he could use the bathroom. Anyone who’s had poo poo pains knows that it feels like a career ending injury.

It was recently reported that the most expensive home ever purchased is a California mansion known as “The One” that is 105 thousand square-feet. Coincidentally, the new Jordan Peele movie is about a house that it’s impossible to navigate.

2022-10-03

A new study on raccoons has reportedly added evidence that animals are likely evolving to thrive in human-created landscapes. Many of us already knew animals can master the subway.

According to recent studies, the average cost of a wedding last year was between 27 and 28 thousand dollars. The average cost would have been significantly lower if your father-in-law didn’t insist on the prime rib station.

Following the creation of new services, people can now pay for their weddings using installment plans. This finally allows you to combine the wedding of your dreams and the interest rates of your reality.

2022-10-02

According to a new study, shy raccoons learn more easily than bolder ones. However, bolder raccoons are more likely to date your girlfriend.

According to reports, Jupiter on Monday came the closest it’s been to Earth in 59 years. To which Earth replied, “So now you want back in my life?”

2022-10-01

Researchers have reportedly spent the past few years in Wyoming to learn why raccoons are good at urban living. Researchers have found that racoons are good at finding rent controlled units in great neighborhoods.

A new study has found an association between an increased risk of dementia and spending a longer amount of time in bed. This explains why so many of his grandparents sounded confused when Charlie Bucket came home.

2022-09-30

The price of pumpkins has reportedly risen this year due to increases in fuel costs. Those hit hardest this year; Charlie Brown.

The candy brand M&M’s has reportedly created its first new M&M character in 10 years. The company thought it was about time since the rest of the M&Ms are a little stale.

2022-09-23

Revamped Detroit auto show now also features new flying tech. Also this year at the Westminster dog show: horses.

In the first-of-its kind, save-the-world experiment, NASA is about to clobber a small, harmless asteroid millions of miles away. The scientist got the idea of clobbering a small defenseless object from attending high school.

After evading the authorities, a wayward seal that made its home in a Massachusetts pond surrendered at a police station on Friday morning. Police are now considering a fish for guns program.

A 26% rise in new syphilis infections reported last year is prompting U.S. health officials to call for new prevention and treatment efforts.  If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that people are ready to get things back to getting infected the normal way.

2022-09-21

American Airlines says personal information of a “very small number” of customers and employees was compromised after hackers breached some employee email accounts. The hackers were able to successfully gain access to promotional codes for this weekend’s Kohl’s sale.

2022-09-20

A Beyond Meat executive is accused of biting a man’s nose outside a football game. Not to be outdone, Impossible meat is releasing “Just Cartilage” patties.

A parts shortage has left thousands of Ford vehicles, partially assembled and sitting in lots. While the half assembled cars just sit in a lot, Ford has decided to make moonshine.

FAA officials have rejected a request by a regional airline facing a pilot shortage to hire co-pilots with only half the minimum amount of flying experience. The regional airline is confident that these co-pilots could get the plane halfway there.

2022-09-18

A hacker apparently gained access posing as a colleague, tricking an Uber employee into surrendering their credentials. The employee was too concerned he’d receive a 1 star co-worker review

2022-09-17

Health officials had to warn people about possible rabies exposure after a woman came into a North Dakota bar carrying a raccoon. The owners were tipped off when the bathroom trash was empty.