Topical Jokes

2021-05-13

Ohio will offer a lottery to those who are vaccinated. Winners will be presented with a novelty size vaccination card.

Liz Cheney is no longer 3rd on the list for leadership within the GOP. Fortunately, this clearly puts her at the top of Craigslist.

Ellen DeGeneres will be leaving her talk show in 2022, which makes sense because I hear that place has a toxic work environment.

2021-05-12

The COVID pet boom has vets backlogged and burned out. Finally, your pets can have the same experience that you do.

Gas stations report shortages as pipeline shutdown drags on. Unfortunately, one thing there isn’t a shortage of, is gas station sushi.

2021-05-11

A NASA Spacecraft begins it’s 2-year journey home with meteorite rocks. Dad’s everywhere are using this as an example. “You guys got your pet rocks? Good. We got a long way to go. No stops for the bathroom.”

NBC says it will not air Golden Globes because the Hollywood Foreign Press has yet to diversify it’s all white 90 member voting committee. The Golden Globes will now be aired on Fox News.

Ben Affleck started reaching out to J Lo back in February. Ben claims that is was just to see if she’s available for Gigli 2.

2021-05-09

A positive drug test puts the Kentucky Derby win in jeopardy. The trainer of the winning horse said that the drugs were not used to make the horse run faster, but only used so he could hit 73 home runs.

2021-05-06

LA Prosecutors are seeking a 5-ton roman sculpture that was headed for Kim Kardashian’s mansion. Apparently Kim was seeking something to fill the void of Kayne’s ego.

2021-05-05

Hyundai is recalling 370K vehicles over possible engine fires. The company said the best way to avoid future car problems is to not buy a Hyundai.

2021-05-04

The EPA is set to begin phasing out refrigerant gases. In a public statement Rudy Giuliani said that his gas has always been refrigerant-free.

2021-05-03

Russia has turned to other countries to start producing the Sputnik COVID vaccine. In the directions though Russia had to clarify that the vaccine is not a dog in a capsule.

2021-03-27

The GOP is trying to restrict voting in Georgia by not allowing people waiting in line to vote, to accept food or water. When this doesn’t work, the GOP will reverse course and offer them water from cannons.

2021-03-18

Maggot infested cheese is listed in the Guinness Book of World records world’s most dangerous cheese. Call me old fashioned, but I always believed the most dangerous cheese was an over microwaved jar of Cheese Whiz.