Topical Jokes
Famed landmark Darwin’s arch collapses into sea. So in the next 50,000 years, Scientists are expecting the arch to begin walking upright on land.
Biden test drove the new Ford electric F-150 truck. After which both needed a recharge.
Apple’s head of software admits Macs have an unacceptable amount of malware. Some of these virus are almost the same as the ones on PCs, just with better graphics.
An inspector was fired for twice passing over a crack in a Mississippi bridge. The inspector has since apologized saying that I’m more of a meth guy.
An Irish health systems struggling to recover after cyberattack. Hackers are demanding a ransom of a pot of gold.
Australia’s oldest man recommends eating chicken brains as the secret to longevity. It must be working since so far he’s outlived every chicken he’s eaten.
Cedar Rapids, MI is set to turn “city of stumps” into “tree oasis”. Coincidentally, “City of Stumps” is the title of the next Saw movie.
Scientists have found that sharks use earth’s magnetic field for GPS. Further proving that no one uses a separate GPS anymore.
The maker of expensive toasters, Balmuda, is getting into the Android phone market. Sorry Balmuda, Samsung already beat you to the toaster/phone hybrid.
The CDC said that vaccinated people can largely ditch masks. Which leaves me wondering what to do with all these Godzilla masks.
Ohio will offer a lottery to those who are vaccinated. Winners will be presented with a novelty size vaccination card.
Liz Cheney is no longer 3rd on the list for leadership within the GOP. Fortunately, this clearly puts her at the top of Craigslist.
Ellen DeGeneres will be leaving her talk show in 2022, which makes sense because I hear that place has a toxic work environment.
The COVID pet boom has vets backlogged and burned out. Finally, your pets can have the same experience that you do.
Gas stations report shortages as pipeline shutdown drags on. Unfortunately, one thing there isn’t a shortage of, is gas station sushi.
A NASA Spacecraft begins it’s 2-year journey home with meteorite rocks. Dad’s everywhere are using this as an example. “You guys got your pet rocks? Good. We got a long way to go. No stops for the bathroom.”
NBC says it will not air Golden Globes because the Hollywood Foreign Press has yet to diversify it’s all white 90 member voting committee. The Golden Globes will now be aired on Fox News.
Ben Affleck started reaching out to J Lo back in February. Ben claims that is was just to see if she’s available for Gigli 2.
A positive drug test puts the Kentucky Derby win in jeopardy. The trainer of the winning horse said that the drugs were not used to make the horse run faster, but only used so he could hit 73 home runs.
LA Prosecutors are seeking a 5-ton roman sculpture that was headed for Kim Kardashian’s mansion. Apparently Kim was seeking something to fill the void of Kayne’s ego.
Hyundai is recalling 370K vehicles over possible engine fires. The company said the best way to avoid future car problems is to not buy a Hyundai.