California now has the nation’s lowest virus transmission rate but on the downside, CA still has the highest podcast transmission rate.

Oklahoma man sentenced for illegally performing surgery at a cabin in the woods. The good news is there’s the inspiration for a new Stephen King book.

Michigan plans 1st US charging road for electric vehicles. The bad news is that no chickens will be able to cross the road.

Michigan budget boosts child care, keeps caregiver pay hike. The downside is that it’ll make the TV feel lonely.

Researchers complete first-ever detailed map of global coral. To accurately depict how the coral is changing on the map, they used vanishing ink.  

IOC suspends North Korea from Beijing Olympics for Tokyo no-show. Leaving single people to wonder if there’s a way to suspend dates who stood them up.

The German central bank is inundated with money damaged in floods. The bank has since stopped accepting bills that were half fives and half tens.

Ask for COVID vaccine proof, face a $5,000 fine in Florida but if you don’t ask for proof, it might cost you your life.

NYPD officers underreporting use of stop-and-frisk. Proving once again that cops can’t even be trusted to fill out paperwork.

Ex-FBI official accused of claiming hours he didn’t work. The official was caught when he turned in a timesheet for 26 hours per day.

Automaker Stellantis will fill a gap by buying a finance arm. It’s probably going to cost them an arm and a leg.

Gray wolf spotted in Kern County, CA for 1st time in decades. The wolf apparently heard Kayne had a new album.

Luge moves Lake Placid and Whistler World Cup races to Russia. Which makes sense when you think about how much vodka you have to drink to try luge.

US home prices soar at record pace in June. Putting the cost out of reach for Barbie’s dream house.

Connecticut test scores show students learn better in person. Students typically do better when they copy the answers in person.

Heavy rain from Ida forces Bonnaroo music fest to cancel. I thought heavy rain was a requirement for music festivals.

Mike Richards is out as producer of ‘Jeopardy!’ and ‘Wheel’. Richards is said to be developing a new show called “Wheel of Consequences”.

China limits children to 3 hours of online gaming a week but in the US, children are barely able to squeeze in 3 hours between school and dinner.

An astronaut gets special ice cream delivery for 50th birthday. The freeze dried ice cream still had the price tag from the science center’s gift shop on it.

Honolulu will require a vaccine or negative test at restaurants. However, restaurants still won’t require shirts or shoes.

Two NJ prison guards indicted on assault charges. The guards are asking to be imprisoned elsewhere since there is a high level of assault.

Man sent to prison for stealing from caddie college fund. Which is terrible considering caddies can’t even afford to play golf.

Farmhands are ready to battle in Farmer Olympics. The first event will be waking at 4 am to apply for government aid.

Georgia state employees are already using paid parental leave. Which is a nice change from the previous incentive: paid parental stay.

Schools are struggling to pay for upgraded ventilation systems. Sounds like someone could have used a personal budgeting class in school.

SpaceX launches ants, avocados, and a robot to the space station. Astronauts aboard the space station can’t remember asking for more dissimilar things.

Al Capone’s favorite gun, personal items head to auction. Some of his personal items might be hard to see at auction, like his syphilis.

Georgia gets new math standards, but debut in class may wait. The delay is caused by substitutes not wanting to start anything new.

Southwest trims schedule in effort to solve flight problems. The good news is that you don’t have to fly Spirit yet.

Southwest trims schedule in effort to solve flight problems. American Airlines on the other hand expands their schedule just to cause flight problems.

Apple loosens app store payment rules in lawsuit settlement. Apple execs are upset about the potential loss of revenue and new yachts.

Nevada man wins $1 million in vaccine jackpot. With that much money in Nevada you could fill a swimming pool with 1 dollar bills, or water.

Asian giant hornet nest destroyed in Washington state. Bad news is that you can no longer book the nest on Airbnb.

Asian giant hornet nest destroyed in Washington state. Bad news is that the hornets have booked everything on Airbnb.

Maine museum to host a large chunk of Mars rock. Maine residents said, “don’t we have enough rocks?”

Delta will charge unvaccinated employees $200 per month. Which seems like a lot until you consider how much it costs to check a bag.

Concern about endangered whales cited in suit over wind farm. Experts say there’s very little cause for concern since whales don’t have wings.

A Sheriff is not disciplining staff who came to work with COVID. The sheriff also said that they will also no longer be arresting murderers. 

Spain tightens fertilizer rules after dead fish clog lagoon. They don’t need to tighten the rules but just get a bigger plunger.

Fukushima nuclear water to be released via undersea tunnel. They should realize that this a perfect breeding ground for Godzillas.

Conservative hoaxers face $5.1M fine for election robocalls. A more fitting punishment would be for  them to receive all those robocalls.

West Virginia mayor seeks $500 for vaccinated workers. Leaving many state employees wondering if that’s still too much work.

Feds report most rental assistance has still not gone out. Renters will have to avoid their neighbors at their mailboxes even longer.

Disney reaches a vaccination agreement with union workers. The hardest worker to convince was Gaston.

Kanye West asks court to legally change his name to Ye. West is one more conceded thought away from changing it to Ye Majesty.

Kanye West’s Chicago concert won’t require vaccines or negative COVID-19 tests. This is Kayne’s idea of proving ego is at the center of the immune system.

A cell phone catches fire on an Alaska Airlines jet upon landing. Experts said they’ve seen this before, saying “where there’s smoke there’s a Samsung galaxy.”

A woman who coughed on market produce and claimed she had the coronavirus, will get jail time.  The woman’s not sure how she got caught, but suspects it was a leek.

Hochul vows swift action as she takes the helm in New York. To remove everything Cuomo left behind, she’ll also need to take Swiffer action.

Kathy Hochul becomes New York’s first female governor. Part of Hochul’s redecorating process after the Cuomo administration, will be to remove all the writing on the walls.

The US warns about swimming at beaches in El Salvador. The rip tide is so bad they’re recommending wearing 2 pairs of swim trunks even if you don’t get in the water.

German train drivers are on second two-day strike this month. Both sides are hoping to be soon back on track.