Colorado City says police ties to polygamous group are past. So now they’ll no longer be able to use their slogan “a cop in the streets and a Latter Day Saint in the sheets”.

Penguins missing visitors, say keepers, at locked-down Thai Zoo. They’re so lonely like us that they’ve also resorted to using zoo-m.

In Greece a forest fire destroys jobs of pine resin collectors. Unfortunately, they’re now open to hearing about any job pitch.

A rock band cancels their concert over Iowa’s vaccine passport ban. The band didn’t want anyone one to suffer from COVID, just hearing damage.

Portland preps for expected protests between opposing groups. Luckily the 2 groups will always find common ground on handlebar mustaches.

Thousands march to demand a return of Dutch music festivals. Leaving millions to wonder, “what’s Dutch music?”

A filly escapes a racetrack and runs on Kentucky highway. Police say that the horse was just looking for a joyride and an open high-neigh.

Some in Flat Rock who evacuated after a gas leak can return. Thankfully no one was injured, but everyone seems to blame the new Chipotle.

Wildlife officials confiscated 157 doves after an illegal hunt. The hunters learned their lesson after wildlife officials made them sit there and eat all 157 doves. 

Tech billionaire gives a New Hampshire hermit $180,000. The hermit was shocked and said “who needs a billion dollars?”

Hong Kong grants quarantine exemption to Nicole Kidman. Speculation is that the exception is for a movie, but Kidman says that’s a big little lie.

OnlyFans website to ban ‘sexually explicit’ content. The site is expected to have a sharp decline of users, leaving only fans of the name.

Persephone, the robot guide, leads visitors in a Greek cave. The good news is that there’s a plot for a new horror movie.

Landlords look for an exit amid a federal eviction moratorium. For a while now, tenants have been saying the exit’s broken.

Tagged with tracker, Asian giant hornet leads state to nest. Officials say that the small scale sting was successful.

Woman comes face-to-face with a snake in an Australian supermarket. Security had to be called because the woman and snake were after the same avocado.

Archaeologists find a skeleton and evidence of Greek in Pompeii. Experts say it was easy to determine the skeleton was Greek because it was holding an empty container of Chobani.

Taliban vow to respect women, despite history of oppression. They said “Don’t worry baby, it’ll be different this time.”

New Zealand to enter lockdown after a single virus case was found. Leaving many Americans to wonder if we can just exchange New Zealand for Florida.

Fake COVID-19 vaccination cards worry college officials. They should be easy to spot by just looking for the New Jersey ones.

Biden praises Olympians for inspiring Americans with courage. Those who were inspired however, pulled a muscle going from the couch to the fridge.

In ROC disguise, Russia has plenty to celebrate at the Olympics. Namely that their horrible disguise fooled officials.

Google founder gets New Zealand residency, raising questions. Many of those questions could be answered by just googling it.

Arizona state senator accused of sexual conduct with a minor.  Upon hearing this Catholic cardinals are reconsidering their careers.

US probes whether Ford was slow to recall backup cameras. Ford said they’d like to put this matter behind them where they can’t see it.

Amazon pushes back the return to office to January due to COVID. Warehouse workers are still wondering when they can return home.

CNN fires three employees for coming to work unvaccinated. They were however able to get new jobs at Fox.

US automakers pledge huge increases in electric vehicle production. If this trend continues, pretty soon you won’t need hearing protection at the monster truck rally.

Three erupting Alaska volcanoes spitting lava or ash clouds. Soon the air quality in Alaska will be the same as California.

California hydroelectric plant shut down as water level drops. The good news is that you might not have to put up with those pesky lights and noisy air conditioners.